


My Beloved Little Brother

by Mumintrollet



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Brother Feels, Gen, I kveld med Ylvis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:25:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8169905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mumintrollet/pseuds/Mumintrollet
Summary: An accident, Bård and Calle in a car somewhere between Bergen and Oslo.Calle gets a concussion, but Bård...(With a happy end.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic, I read a lot of fanfics and then started to write something just for fun. And I felt this was very fun, i have to translate it to english --> and i did my best. (I'm the one who almost got F in english...)
> 
> (Btw I don't know why they don't fly, don't understand why they drive, it's almost 7 hours...?!)

_Two men are sitting in a black car, on their way from Bergen to Oslo. They talk about work-related things at the moment. They laugh and talk about how insane it is. - This is their job, to be a clown on national TV. You’re allowed to drive 70km/h and the dashboard shows 72km/h. The rod is turning to the right and ends up with a crossing. In the same second, as they turn right, they see a big car that drives fast toward their own car. The man who’s driving, a dark blonde man, about 35, has panic and tries to turn away. Tries to change to the other lane but the other car doesn’t run stable and then everything goes very fast._  
  
**_Vegard, two hours after the accident.  
_** In the meeting room at their production company: _Concorde_ is everyone talking at the same time, himself, he talks to Magnus about how to beat Bård and Calle in the upcoming competition, an obstacle course. Bård is almost always the winner when it’s a competition between the brothers, but this time with Magnus, Vegard hopes he will beat his cocky little brother. The one who’s so annoying after he wins something, (whatever it is) and the one who’s so angry after he loses something, (also whatever it is).

“You will run before me, I think it will be better then. If it comes something where we have to get up on it, I mean I’m a bit taller than you.”

“Haha, ‘a bit taller’, are you serious? I haven't noticed that”, Vegard laughs.  
  
“Oh, haven’t you? And we've worked together for a quite long time now. What can it be, four years, right?”

“So long? Four years? Wait… This is our fifth season, so it’s almost five years, by now. Five years, oh... time flies!”, he says and looks at his phone on the table when it begins to ring. He doesn’t recognise the number, but on the screen, it says it's from around Oslo.

“Vegard Ylvisåker.”

The person on the other side present herself as chief physician at _Oslo Universitetssykhus,_ and that gives Vegard a feeling of angst and he feels his heart speed up when she tells him that Carl Fredrik Hellevang-Larsen and Bård Urheim Ylvisåker came into their emergency reception after a serious car accident.

“What?! When did it happen?!”, he raises his voice but repents. “Sorry, when did it happen?”

She tells him that it was Calle who managed to call 113 and it was also he who gave them the number to Vegard.

“Calle is alright?”, he asks hopefully.

She says he's definitely has been damaged by the accident, but that he had been very lucky and he is relatively well. When he had answered the phone call, everyone was still talking to each other with loud voices, but now, everyone is silent. Everyone is listening to Vegard and trying to hear what the other person on the line answer.  
  
“So Calle was able to talk to you? And Bård?”  
  
She takes a deep breath, says that Calle was able to talk to them and he's conscious and had been very lucky if you compare with Bård. They are still taking care of Bård at ER and the situation is still serious and unstable. She asks where Vegard is and if he might come to the hospital, but that is nothing Vegard hears, the only thing he can think of Bård.

“What? Unstable? How can you fucking say ‘compare with Bård’? For that one who’s not has a doctor education, or doesn't have any education at all, I don’t understand what it means? Can you just explain how bad it is?!”, he raises his voice again and everyone in the room is staring at him. He takes a deep breath and apologises again. “Sorry… again. It just…”, he mumbles and closes his eyes for a second before he asks the only important question “Will he survive?”

  
She repeats her question, if he can come to the hospital, ao they can tell him about it face to face, and then he has a chance to ask more questions if he would have some.

“I said, will he survive?”

She repeats her for her third time and this time she gets an answer.  
  
“I’m coming now, I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”  
  
She says goodbye and encourages him to take a taxi or let someone else drive. “You’re too stressed and worried” _NO, I’M NOT!_  
  
He gets up quickly and feels a bit dizzy and takes a few faltering steps and is about to lose his balance, but Magnus reacts fast and puts him down on the chair again.  
  
“Vegard. Breath, you will faint if you don’t.”  
  
Vegard is trying to breathe normally and as soon as he did that, he begins to repeat what the doctor had said and he begins to understand what she _actually_ had said and what actually must've  _happened._ The questions he had asked and the answers, or more like the non-answers. He feels the panic build up in his chest and starts to hyperventilate again.  
  
“I drive you”, Magnus says but then remember an important thing, “Oh, fuck. How can you forget that you don’t have a licence…? And you,” he's pointing at Vegard, “I don’t allow you to drive the car, you’re way too upset.”  
  
“What are you talking about, I can drive!? And if you’re going with me, you’re coming now!”, he says, trying to get up again, but stops by Magnus who's pushing him down one more time.  
  
“No, just a minute ago you could barely stand up, so you DON’T dive!” He looks around in the room, "Anyone else than Vegard who have driver's license? Agree with me, Vegard doesn't drive right now." They all agree, but when the lion's share of those in the room is under 30 and raised in Oslo, it turns out that Vegard is the only one with a driving licence.  
  
“Vegard, you sit down, I’ll call for a taxi.”, Magnus says and forces Vegard down in the chair one last time.  
  
**Calle - about the same time as the meeting at Concorde**  
He wakes up in a half dark room with the worst headache he ever has had in his entire life. The hangover after the first time he tried alcohol plus after his bachelor party plus the one after the new year party at Vegard and Helene, all that together can’t even describe the feeling right now. He closes his eyes again and to stop all impression, and tries to remember what happened. He remembers the car that drove towards them in a high speed, and he remembers the sounds from an ambulance. Everything else is gone, he can’t recall anything else than that. The door open and the light fills the room.  
  
“How do you feel?”, she asks him when she realises that he is awake. Calle looks at her and when he focus his gaze, he can read her little name-tag. Klara, Enrolled Nurse

“This headache… It’s more than… It feels like it going to make me throw up…”

“Here, I’ll give you some medicine against your headache and I that will make you get rid of the nausea.”, she says and then he can hear her turn on some water “Here, it probably takes around 15 minutes before it works.”, she gives him a mug made of paper and two white pills.  

Calle can see her take something from the wall beside his bed and place it upon his duvet “In case that you feel you need to throw up.”  
  
He nods in thanks, swallows the pills and then asks if he can get some more water. I make him think of when he and the Ylvis-brothers were in Sweden and did ‘ _Hyss i Småland_ ’. When they knock on a random door and asked for water. One more, and then one more and one more again. The memory makes him smile and then think of Bård. A picture when he was in the car: he tried to shake Bård's shoulder and called his name, but Bård didn’t react.

“Bård?”  
  
“You been very lucky… Our surgeons still operates him.”, Klara sits down on the chair and looks at him.   
  
“What happened?”, he asks, even though he’s not sure if he is ready to hear the answer.  
  
"The accident damaged his internal organs significantly. As I said you’ve been very lucky, you made it away with a concussion and subdural hematoma, which is a major bleeding in, or inside your skull. "

“What does it mean, what have you done?”

She explains what the surgeons did with him, even though he doesn't really understand everything she says, he hears it sounds scary.  
  
“Ok... It sounds disgusting…”  
  
*Then it’s silent for a moment.*  
  
“I guess you’re one person on TV and scenes-”, he feels like a question mark, _what are you going to say now?_  “I don’t really know, but I just want to warn you about your hair… It feels like your hair has been very significant for you. Like ‘The comic with long blond hair from Bergen’, so... Warn you about that we had to cut it a bit...", she looks a little bit embarrassed and the word gets him try to run his hand through his hair and he laughs a bit.  
  
“It’s true, or some kind of true that my hair has been an important part of this ‘Calle Hellevang-Larsen-character’, but right now, couldn't care less about my hair", he laughs again. “I thought you were going to make a joke about ' _Ikkje så **rask** i dag ikkje…_ ’ or something like that.”

“Oh… Hehe, no. It would be a little bit bad timing, wouldn’t?  
  
Calle smiles and drink some more water and close his eyes. Longs for a moment of silence and sleep.  
  
“How do you feel with your headache? Is it better now?”  
  
“Little bit better maybe…”  
  
“I’ll leave you alone, so you can get some sleep but I have one more question. I need some information about who we have to call, your relatives."  
  
“You have to call his wife Maria! And of course, Vegard!”

 _**Vegard** _ _  
_ Vegard's heart beats fast of discomfort for the upcoming information. What would he do if Bård didn’t survive this? He sits in the back seat of a taxi, he wanted to take his own car, but Magnus had said no, especially when he realised that Vegard neither had glasses or contact lenses today.

"What do we do if it doesn’t go well?", he asks straight out as if to express his fears and think of that consequence properly.

"Vegard, don’t think that way. If we want this to end up well, we have to think it will end up well.", Magnus responses and tries to get eye contact, but Vegard avoids it, looks out through the window.  
  
“Both you and I know that’s not true. Our thoughts will not affect his physical condition.”, he says with a bit of irritation, naive to believe in that nonsense.

“Maybe not… But it's stupid to be worried unnecessarily.”  
  
That sentence makes Vegard feels like he hates Magnus.  
  
“What? How the fu… can you use the word unnecessarily? We don’t know what had happened to Bård and Calle, I just know that Bård is in the intensive care, and them at the hospital couldn't answer what will happen to him, if he’s going to die or not!? How can the worried be unnecessary?! You’re so fucking stupid sometimes!”, he yells but regrets it immediately. Vegard looks up at his friend, who looks shocked. “I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry!” It gets quiet in the car, the only sound it is the car's own and the driver seems to pretend he’s not there.

“Magnus, sorry. _Eg er_ _lei meg!",_ silent _, "_ Magnus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!”

“No worry, I was just a little shocked. I just don’t want you to worry and have a lot of angst now before you have the whole picture. For your own sake, as you said, his physical condition will not change if you think or not think in a special way, and nor because of your anxiety. "

The taxi turns into the hospital parking. It’s as if the big letters on the hospital building shouting to him, despite the fact that the letters are so blurred that if he didn’t have known what it said, he would never be able to read it.

Magnus pays and Vegard begins to walk on shaky legs towards the hospital doors. With some help from the people they meet in the corridors, they manage to locate to the right department. Vegard comes out of his haze when he sees a doctor talking to his sister-in-law. He walks up to Maria, hugs her, she’s crying, and he thinks that he must be strong. _I'm the big brother, not to her, but to her husband._

"Do the children know?"

"They know..." she says, taking a deep breath. "They know they are with _framor_ and _farfar_ because Bård is at the hospital..."

"Mum and dad... I have not had time to... managed to... talk to them..." he murmured, thinking aloud.

"I felt that they thought it was nice that they could help, by taking care of the kids.", she says and hugs him tighter.

He nods, and his tears are close, but he collects himself. It feels like one of them has to be comforted and the other have to comfort. He comforts her now. _Her husband, but also **my** brother. _

_**Maria** _  
She tells them what she knows happened during the accident, and what it did to Bård. First, she explains everything in medical and scientific terms, and then she says it again but in pure Norwegian. With words and in a way that Maria and Vegard understand.  
  
“Do you have any questions?”  
  
Although it spins a hundred and thousands of questions in her head, she shakes her head. Not really sure if she is ready to hear the answers. Instead, it becomes Vegard who asks the only important question, mention the elephant in the room.

“Is he going to… survive?  
  
“Right now is it hard to answer yes or no, our doctors and surgeons, they do everything they can for him, and we can just hope for the best.”  
  
Maria looks down on the table, can’t answer, can't look into the doctor's eyes, can’t think about what she just said. She jumps a bit when Vegard hit his hand on the table and stands up.  
  
“What the fuck do you mean with 'hope for the best'!? I thought you guys were doctors who trusted the medical science and don’t go around and _hope_ for things to happened. You need to stop talking about ‘hope’, ‘believe’, ‘ think positive’, ‘don’t think about death’ - it doesn't change how he feels or how this will end up! He will not feel any better if I ‘hope for the best’! You shall not hope, you shall know what you’re doing and do everything you can to make him wake up. Do things, don’t hope for things!”  
  
The doctor looks slightly shocked, but at the same time very calm and before she even can open her mouth to maybe defend herself, Vegard sits down again.

"Sorry, I really didn’t...", he becomes quiet. "Sorry, sorry..." He hides his head and face in his hands and mumbled something she can't hear.

Maria moves a bit closer and put her hand on his back.

"The Bård I know will fix this, must do it and that I hope that the Bård you know, also do it."

 **_Calle_ ** _  
_ The door opened and in the light from the hallway, he sees the female nurse, whose name, he believes he has read three four times, and yet doesn’t remember it, something that scares him. That he doesn’t remember, even though it’s so close in time. Behind her, Calle can see Vegard’s unmistakable curly, dark hair.

"Can I increase the light a little?", she asks.

He can only nod a bit in response.

The light sticks in his eyes and makes his headache worse, but she is quick, sees his reaction and lowers immediately the light.

"Is this good?"

He nods again.

"I'll leave you alone, but if you need me, you just have to press the button, ", she says and disappears through the door again.

Behind Vegard, he sees Maria and Magnus. He closes his eyes, the light made the headache worse, but he doesn't want to say anything about it. He hears someone sit down on the chair next to his bed and feel the person take his hand.

"How is it? How bad is it? ", Vegard's voice is soft and gentle, almost a whisper.  
  
“Yes...”, he mumbles and continues “This headache… can’t describe it… Never felt something like this”

Vegard squeezes his hand.

"But I shouldn't complain, obviously, I was very lucky... I both feel gratitude for it, but also some kind of ashamed. Especially in front of you and Maria... I understand you if you wish it were the opposite way, that I and Bård would change places... "

"Neither say or do not think so." Maria interrupts him and being backed by Vegard.

"It is as it is, and we just want this to be over as soon as possible."

"At the risk of you will hate me now Vegard," Maria says, "but we can simply just hope."

Calle looks up towards Vegard where he sits and he sees that his eyes are shiny. And this time it's Calle's turn to take Vegard's hand and ask the question Vegard asked.

“But how do _you_ feel?”, he says but doesn't get an answer, “Mentally, I mean…”  
  
“It works…”, he answers short, but when Calle looks into Vegard’s eyes he can tell that ‘It works’ is a long way from the truth.

“You don’t have to answer if it’s too hard to think about, but what happened?”, Magnus asks.

Calle tells all he can remember, and realise it’s almost nothing… He remembers that he was staring at his phone and then suddenly Bård screamed something like ‘Fucking idiot!’. He looked up and saw the car, high speed, in the same direction as theirs. A fast and automatic glance in the rearview mirror, it was impossible to back because of a red car. Why can’t he remember anything else of what happened, but remember that the car behind them was red?

"I remember that Bård went from screaming curses to that we both screamed in panic.", he says slowly and closes his eyes tightly. It is like if it starts to flash in his head more and more, and he moans in the sudden pain.

"Are you ok, can I do anything?", Vegard asks.

Calle asks them to turn the light off. The absence of light makes his headache a little bit better, but only for a few, short minutes before it returning in full force and the feeling of that the room started to spin or swing. With his hands pressed against his head, he managed to communicate to Vegard to pushing the button that would get the nurse to return to the room.

 **_Vegard_ **  
“It feels like the whole room is spinning around, and it doesn't stop, not even if I close my eyes.”  
  
Klara gives Calle a pill, a pill that will be stronger than the one he had got an hour or so earlier. She asks them to go and come back when Calle feels a little better, but in the doorway, he hears his name.

"Vegard. Can you stay here for a while?"

Vegard looks uncertain at the nurse, "If he wants it so," she says, nodding toward Calle.

Vegard walks into the room, he was just about to leave and sits down on the same chair again. He waits in silence, wonders what Calle is going to say, anything about why he wanted him to stay.

"We have known each other for a lot of years now, and I see that you feel more than ‘it works’.", he says, and Vegard guess Calle is trying to seek eye contact in half-darkness that he now appreciates, so he can avoid it.

"Should I feel caught or exposed now?" He replies with a little laugh, well aware that he does what he always do when someone tries to talk about genuine feelings with him, he tries to make a joke of the whole thing and then let it past.

"I mean it seriously, Vegard."  
  
“As you said, Calle, we’ve known each other for a very long time, you of anyone should know that I’m so damn bad at talking about emotions.”, he answers with almost the same joking tone as the line before. 

“I think you should feel better if you put words on your feelings, it’s a cliche I know, but it’s a cliche for a reason. Try, even though I know you often say ‘Ask me about feelings and I can’t give you anything’, you will feel better.”  
  
Vegard leans back in his chair, beginning to understand that Calle is not going to give up. The reason why he’s here is that Calle wants him to tell what he feels.  

"It's just me in here, and you know you can trust me."

"I know I can trust you, but I don’t know if I can trust myself. I can’t put words on some feelings now, not now when we’re in the middle of this chaos. I think I’ll break down when I do it.  We can talk about this later, can I go now?" he says, now with seriousness in his voice.

"Vegard, but it’s okay to break down. I caught you."

"Not now..."

"I caught you. He’s your brother, of course, you feel strong feelings!"

"But I'm losing the control…! In the last hours, I raised my voice more than, I don’t know, more than I have done in my entire life... Even though I’m just really scared, sad and worried...", his tears are close again, he closes his eyes hard and turning his head away.

"But it's okay. I know you love the feeling of control, you've got the classic big brother-traits: responsibility and control. But sometimes it's okay to let go of the control, it can be nice to do. Even for a big brother as you. "

When Vegard doesn't respond it's resulting in a long silence, so long that he finally have to check if Calle had fallen asleep.

"I wanted to give you some time to think. What are you thinking?

"How much more is there to think about..." he stops and a few seconds pass "Bård of course..."

It becomes quiet and Calle nods.  
  
"He have to survive, he can’t disappears, I don’t know how and if I can live without him ...", tears streaming down his cheeks, and he can’t stop it. Soon, his whole body shakes of crying.  
  
"Put your head here," says Calle and pats on the edge of the bed and strokes Vegard comforting across the back and shoulders.

He cries in a way he hadn’t done since he was dumped for the first time when he was 16 years old.

"We’ve grown up together and always been together throughout his life, he’s not only half of myself, he is more than that... What do you do when the memories are the only thing you have left? What if we never get a chance to create some new again…?" he mumbles into the mattress, raises his head and takes a deep breath and looks up at Calle. "How the hell am I going to survive alone...? Calle, I don’t want to be alone and I want the control back again."

 ** _Vegard - three hours later_ _  
_** On shaking legs and with an unknown nurse’s hand on his shoulder, Vegard walk in a long corridor. The nurse says something about that they had done everything they could for Bård, but now is Bård the only one who can change anything. It’s only up to his own body to heal. He can just reply with nods, all the words are gone. When the door opens into the room where Bård is lying, he sees Bård for the first time in a week, he and Calle was in Bergen, and they had only spoken on the phone once or twice. Maria gets up and walks towards him and she hugs him.

“It must end up well”, Maria says and Vegard just nods.  
  
Maria leaves him alone with a sleeping Bård, he’s just sleeping, not in a coma. _Just sleeping, as every night._ He sits down on the chair Maria just left, the same as he slept on in Calle’s room.

“I’m here now, Vegard is here now.”, he whispers and takes Bård’s hand gently. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here now. I’m here and I’m holding your hand, can you feel that? Everything should be fine, it’s ok now, I’m by your side now.”  
  
He is silent, just holding his brother’s hand. The hand he has held so many times before, sometimes to comfort, and other times in euphoria and happiness, and a long time ago to stop his restless little brother to run around or away from him. But that was a long time ago now.

“ _Husker_ _du_ how we held each other's hands under the duvet, how we felt safer when we did it, despite all the scary sounds around when we lived in Angola? I was also scared, but when you asked me, I answered no, because I wanted you to see that I was brave. _Husker du_ how I took your hands when you as an 18-years-old-boy told me that you would become a father? _Husker du? Eg husker. Eg husker_ you happiness, but also a fragment of fear and _eg husker_ my happiness for you. Because I knew what a good life that child would get, with you and Maria as her or his parents. Your kids are with mum and dad now, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

It’s a lot of memories. Some of them are crystal clear, like a movie in HQ and 3D, and some others are more diffusely, only blurry snapshots. Vegard looks at him, him in the bed with a mask over his face that helps him breathe, with bandage, plaster and an IV in his arm. That little one on the bed, his little brother who grew and became taller than Vegard himself. Had children before him, got a job, maybe not a "real job", but with each other as colleagues. He runs his hand through Bård’s now shorter hair and thinks of the ‘munkesveis’. _Was it unjustly? No! I did… I still have a fucking Senkveld tattoo on my leg. His hair will grow out, he will keep living._ Because of the short hair, he can see Bård’s ears, the ears that are so much Bård. The ears that had been a big complex for him, too small, wrong shape, just ugly or angled too much backwards. So Bård had grown out his hair so no one could see it, but Vegard loves his ears, has always done, maybe mostly when Bård hated them it most, maybe to create some balance.

“You can't leave me, I don’t allow you to disappear.”, he says, leaning forward to his ear, "You can’t leave me like this, please stay with me," he whispers and feels the tears begin to flow again. "We would always stay together until we became old, do you remember when we told each other that? After our first real conflict that wasn’t about injustices of ice cream or candy. After that, we shook hands and we swore that we would do everything to solve everything, that tried to destroy our relationship. We would never be resentful and we would do everything in our power to never lose contact." Vegard strokes his index finger at Bård's ear, and sure it’s a small ear, but it’s also the cutest ears in the world. "We have handled it so well and it can’t end like this. All ideas... dreams. I promise I'll do everything I can to fulfil those childhood dreams I called ridiculous for a couple of months ago... I'll do everything, we do everything, we do everything if you just can wake up.

Seconds goes silence, tears and shallow breaths. Minute after minute, that been to hours after hours until they asked him to go. 

 _ **Calle - one week after the accident** _ _  
_ “Calle?”, Vegard questions and looks confused when he sees Calle in the doorway. “Shouldn’t you stay in your bed and rest? I was there when the doctor said that to you.”, he continues and walks towards Calle to embrace him.

Calle hugs him back and feels how thin Vegard had become since they last hugged each other, just a few days ago.

“It’s hard to do and think of anything else than Bård, and I guess you also had some other things on your agenda…”  
  
Calle takes a chair and sits down on the opposite side and he can see Vegard taking a deep breath.

“I cancelled everything… I don’t know how… I take it later… Now I’m sitting here and hold your hand and hope you can feel my presence.”, the last sentence is directly dedicated to Bård.  
  
Calle takes Bård’s left hand in his and his hand is soft and warm.  
  
“ _Hei_ Bård, It’s me, Calle. Can you hear my voice? I want you to wake up, we’re so worried about you, Maria, Vegard, your parents, Bjarte, Magnus, everyone at the office. And I’m worried, of course. Please… Bård.”  

Then silence falls. The only sound is the machine that registration Bård’s heartbeat and make sure he’s getting enough oxygen.

"What do you do when the memories are the only thing you have left?"

Calle becomes insecure, doesn't know if Vegard wants an answer, and what answer Calle should give in such cases?

"We remember and experience it all again. But I know, or it must be so, we will create new memories.”, he finally says “Do you remember when we three flew to the US, together for the first time?", He changes from just talking with Vegard to even talk to Bård as if he also was conscious. "The flight was delayed and you were really stressed while we realised that it wouldn’t go faster if we also were stressed and chosen instead to take a smoothie and relax, and it solved itself. We arrived at our destination and the journey, I think it’s the best trip in my life. I’ve never laughed so much in such a short time, as during the trip.", Calle tells about things he remembers that they did during the trip, Vegard laughs and adds some of his memories and it really feels like they all three are talking about it and experiencing it again.

“Vegard, your turn. What is your best memory, of all we’ve done together?”  
  
“I think- Before and during the first season, it was the perfect mix of nervousness and excitement.”, they talk about the first season of IKMY, about when he poked random folks with the long stick, about radio taxi, all Swedish guests who tried to speak Svorsk and the improv song at the end.   

"Without sarcasm and irony, I'm really glad that you chose me as your sidekick, and that you wanted me back for the third. So happy and thankful, we’ve had so damn fun during these years!"

They continue to talk memories, and time passes quickly, suddenly a nurse comes in and says that the visiting hours are over, but they’re welcome back tomorrow.

"Call if something changes!"

"Of course we will." 

_**Bård - 11 days after the accident.** _

There is something that draws upward, upward toward the light and consciousness, but it is also something that is fighting against. Who want to remain in that dark and empty feeling. It's something that irritates his throat and he coughs and wants to turn around a bit, but it feels as if he is stuck. The feeling triggers his claustrophobic and the panic as he tries to wave and kick his legs fee. Someone says his name, somewhere over there, he hears a familiar voice saying his name.

"Bård, Bård. It’s ok, lie still. Breathe, I’m here, just breathe" a hand that pushes him down gently placed on his chest, and he tries to open his eyes to see who it is.

“Maria?”, he mumbles and tries to turn towards the voice but feeling of panic went back when it doesn't work.

Later is it calm and quiet in the room again, Bård and Vegard speak quietly to each other.

“You’re crying if you didn't know that.”, Bård says and looks at Vegard that smiles with tears in his eyes.

“I know-”, he answers and tries to wipe away the tears. “I’m so happy that you’re awake!”  
  
It’s silent for a minute before Bård opens his mouth again. “You know it wasn't my fault, right? Even to I was the driver…”  
  
“What do you mean with ‘fault’?  
  
“You always complain about my driving, and sometimes it is justified, but this time… It wasn't my fault!  
  
“I know. Calle said almost the same… I don't know why you think I would blame someone?”  
  
“I don’t know… I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t my fault…”  
  
He becomes quiet and starts to think about that the remember about the accident. He was so scared, he wanted to live. Couldn’t leave Maria, the kids, Vegard, Bjarte, Magnus, Calle, his parents, his work, couldn’t leave like this.  
  
“Bård, you’re crying, are you in pain? Can I do something?”, Vegard asks with concern in his voice, and gently wipe away Bård’s tears from his cheeks.  
  
“I don’t know why-”, he replies and sobbing “I don’t know why I’m crying… It’s just… I just become sad for some reason…”, then silent for one moment. “It was so long time ago… It’s so long time ago since we talked, Or… We talk to each other almost every day in work, but then we just talk about work. It’s so long since we talked like this, about us…”

“I know and I’ve really missed it, my beloved little brother.”  
  
It’s something special and very beautiful in being called ‘My beloved little brother’ of one’s big brother when both are adults, and it makes him cry even more.  
  
“I love that I still can be your ‘Beloved little brother’.”

“You’ll always be, no matter what happens.”  
  
They talk and cry more until Maria and the children enter the room.

"To you, and you have to know how happy I’m that **you** will read it. _Ikkje eg_ , reading it out loud in a church-”, he says and wipes away some tears in his eyes and a thankful smile on his lips. Vegard looks at him while he put an envelope with his name on, on the table beside the bed. "So thankful for that, and now I'll never leave you without saying  'I love you'. So, I love you, and now you’ll get some time with your children and Maria."

He hugs Maria quickly and leaves the room.

"And I love you too Vegard."    

 

> _**The envelope:** _  
>  _"This is for you Bård._
> 
> _Bård you were a lot of things; family-man, colleague, funny, good looking, son and a faithful husband. You were talented, uncle and revue artist. You were beautiful, middle-brother, you were big brother for Bjarte, but most of all, for me, you were my fantastic Beloved Little Brother Bård. And I don’t know if I should use ‘were’ or ‘is’. I want to use is, want you to still be all this, even though I don’t can see you or hear you beautiful voice. I don’t know what to think? The only thing I know is that I still love you, wherever you are._
> 
> _We lived side by side, and it was given that it would always be like that. It would always be you and I, together, it was at least what I thought and hoped. Because of that, I never told you all this words. So many ‘Sorry’ you never got to hear. So many words about why I love you so much. I was waiting for the ‘right moment’, the right time to tell you about how much you meant, and how important you are for me. But now, is it the right time now? Maybe it’s more wrong than ever, because I don’t know if you even can hear me. The only thing I know is that I still love you, wherever you are._
> 
> _I_ _love you because you did me to a better person. You did me to a big brother and I learned to share and compromise._  
>  _I love you because I have always known that we could always trust each other. That we always stood up for each other, whatever it was. Any time, I could call and ask for your help, even in middle of the night if I had to.._  
>  _I love you because of the way how lived and how brave you were in our profession. Daring new things, and you made me braver with your courage. You made me better, even in our job._  
>  _I love you because of the way you were, and for that you have been. I love the Bård I grew up with, the Bård I started a professional career with, and the Bård that I've been working with for all these years. Both exactly the same through the years, but also always in change._  
>  _I love you because of the way you dedicated your time and the way you burned for things, always for real. You never pretend, always for real._  
>  _And I love you because of the simple reason that you’re my brother._  
>  _I still love you, wherever you are._  
>  _  
> _ _We’ve worked in a superficial branch where many often said that I was the pretty of us, but what they don’t know is that you were the really pretty and beautiful one. And you were beautiful inside, both good looking and with a big heart. You were the one with the heart. And not just a heart, a heart out of gold. But where are you now, where’s the golden heart? I do not know. The only thing I know is that I still love you, wherever you are._
> 
> _We held each other's hands throughout our lives, sometimes literally, but even more often figuratively. Through fear and sorrow, through laughter and joy. That’s why it was so important for me to get as many hours as possible by your side, there at the hospital. Sitting there, hold your hand in mine and repeat the phrase about how much I love you and hope that you would hear it at least once. Because you’re the one who influenced me the most, you are the one that meant the most._
> 
> _I still love you Bård, wherever you are. Will always do."  
>  _

 

* * *

_**  
Around 7 months after the accident.** _

The band are playing the intro music and Vegard smiles and dancing on the scene. As usual wears a black suit, white shirt and a black tie. The audience is happy, laughing and applauding. The applause grows when the red curtain pulled aside again and Calle coming out dancing. Almost an ordinary intro to another episode of IKMY. The music is moving towards the end and Vegard and Calle take place in their respective chairs, when Bård comes jogging down the stairs they usually bring in guests from. Applause. He sits down, takes up the cards and looks towards the big audience.

"I'm so damn happy we can be here again, here with a new season!" Bård shouts out and it is received with more deafening cheers. "I did not dance, as I use to, and there's a reason for that. I and Calle- or some may have read that we were in a car accident last spring... An accident in which you had a little more luck than I had-", he says and laughs while he looks at Calle. Bård laughs, but his eyes are serious. Knowing how close death he really was.

“Yeah, they realise me from the hospital two days after the accident and it’s because the accident I’ve to change my hairstyle again,” he says and pointing at his hair and chuckles. “But let us be serious from now on-”, he changes the tone. “Bård, you ended up in a coma for eleven days and we didn’t know how the ‘whole thing’ should end up. I know that your wife and your kids, and of course Vegard, agree with me when I say that we were more than really, really, really scared and worried those days.”

“Yes, what can you do when not even the doctors can tell about the future.”, Vegard responds to Calle and exchanged a glance with Bård. A look of thousand feelings and words. _I can’t describe how thankful I am for sitting here with you two, and you two are alright._  
  
“Now, we’re coming to the segment where you think we should have a doctor as our guest, but were I or we have planned something else.”, Bård says and looks at Vegard with a smile.

“Ok…?”  
  
“After that, I wake up and Vegard and I had talked he gave me an envelope with my name. I don’t know why, we’re almost never nervous-”, he’s pointing at his brother, “Not when we did _Spektrum,_ now here live with 1400 in the audience, or performed at Jimmy Fallon, but when I opened that envelope… I can’t describe it.”, he says and looks at the audience. “The text in the envelope is both the worst and the most beautiful text I’ve read, and I’ve never cried so much in my entire life. It was a funeral speech, dedicated to me. Words about how much I meant, means and how much he loves me. Therefore, I made a video to you Vegard”, he look into his brother’s eyes “This video is for you, about you, about why you’re the absolutely, absolutely, absolutely best big brother you can have! So, go ahead, play the clip.”, he gets up and gives Vegard a hug.

 


End file.
